Growth is a Paradox

Growth is a paradox of expansion and contraction, of pushing limits and pulling back, of seeking our edge and setting boundaries. Growth is never a straight line—it’s a rhythm, a cycle that repeats over our lifetime. Sometimes, we lean into discomfort, taking big risks that feel right. Other times, we protect our energy, saying no to projects, relationships, or commitments that don’t serve us. Both are necessary. Both are acts of strength. 

So, how do we pursue healthy growth within this paradox?

The Power of Boundaries in Growth

Boundaries are the foundation of growth. Without them, we lose ourselves in others' expectations. Boundaries require us to get really clear on who we are and what behaviour we will tolerate from others and from ourselves. Want to learn how to set better boundaries? Start by taking a deep look at your values, beliefs and priorities. I use a values assessment tool in my coaching practice that not only looks at values but how we are living them. Then as you start  to play with boundaries, you’ll test the waters - sometimes going too far and other times, not drawing the line hard enough. It’s okay, that’s why it’s called growth. Try creating a “Yes/No” List: Take a moment to write down what you’re saying yes to at work or in your relationships and what you’re saying no to. This exercise provides clarity on where your energy is going and whether it aligns with your values. Are you overextending yourself? Are you neglecting your own needs? Honouring your boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential for self-respect and honest and meaningful relationships with others..

Finding Your Physical Edge

Sports are a great practice ground for growth! They can mirror life’s expansion and contraction, and provide a great testing ground for boundaries. If you want to experiment by pushing with your own boundaries, keep your workouts curious and try new things. If you want something more structured, you can use any of these fitness tests to get started; a Functional Threshold Power (FTP) test for cycling, a ONE REP MAX test for strength or the Beep Test for an estimate of your VO2 Max. These tests will push you to your edge; you’ll still need to figure out when to push harder and when to pull back. Growth in fitness doesn’t come from constant intensity; it comes from strategic effort and recovery. The same is true for personal growth—we must know when to challenge ourselves and when to rest.

Emotional Stretching: Leaning Into Discomfort

There’s an exercise we use in coaching called Peaks and Valleys. In it, clients and I map  some of the lowest valleys and highest peaks of their lives, then we write down what they learned from these pivotal moments. Most often, our greatest growth moments happen in the most challenging times of our lives. Just as muscles grow stronger through controlled stress, our emotional resilience builds when we lean into discomfort. Trying something new—whether it’s speaking up in a difficult conversation, attending a social event alone, or making a vulnerable admission—can feel like stepping into the unknown. Why not try a Discomfort Challenge: identify one small action that makes you slightly uncomfortable and commit to doing it more than once. Really want to grow? Measure it. Notice how your body reacts. Breathe through it. Each time you stretch yourself you expand your capacity for courage and connection.

Expanding and Contracting in Community

Practicing growth and expansion on your own is a great place to start. We are social beings and the natural next step is to expand out into community, a greater space where we can grow even more. Join a run club, volunteer in your community, join us for Strength Circles.  https://www.globalcompassioncoalition.org/events/strength-circles/

Just as growth requires both expansion and contraction, Strength Circles offer a space to explore both. These gatherings provide an opportunity to take risks, meet new people, and lean into vulnerability, while also practicing self-awareness, boundaries, and active listening. In this paradox of personal growth, Strength Circles help participants stretch beyond their comfort zones while reinforcing the importance of emotional safety and balance. 

Balancing Growth and Rest

In growth we all seek to maintain that balance between risk and reward, challenge and recovery, expansion and contraction. The work is in recognizing when to lean in and when to step back. Life isn’t about choosing one over the other—it’s about learning to dance between.

Where in your life are you leaning too far in one direction? What’s one step you can take today to either expand or set a boundary?